My Feelings Lately

Do you think I don't hurt through this process? Maybe you think I'm having an awesome time and living it up being 'single'? I did not want my marriage to go this way. This is not what I wanted for my children. After basically being the sole caregiver to the boys through their entire lives, I'm not used to giving them up for a few hours, let alone, multiple days at a time. The first night is always the worst. It usually ends with me crying, getting a migraine and occassionally vomiting. I went into my marriage knowing love and serving was a choice and I fully believe I did those things, not with perfection but, the best I possible could. There was a point where I believed I was being treated so badly that I had to examine the rest of my life, make a choice and begin to learn that I am worth something-That Christ says I'm worth something. In fact, that I am worth so much that He would give up His only Son and His human life to die for a sinner like myself. My married life up til now, has been filled with worthlessness and uselessness. I've done nothing right from mowing the grass, to doing laundry, to making dinners, to praying to my God. I'm not sexy and in fact, even stupid. I'm hurt and embarrassed to even let this get out but most of all I feel like a complete idiot for binding my life to a person who has treated me worse than anyone I've met in my entire life. I am working past it. This last summer was excruciating for me- trying to decide to continue to be treated this way and my thoughts on what is biblical. I believe my body showed the emotional struggle-skin issues, stomach problems, sleeplesness, overall pain and weight gain. Under circiumctances I will not give details to, I believe I've made the right choice in my life and have no doubts anymore. If you disagree, let the Lord decide. Not one can possibly fully know the entire situation and my know my heart but God. It is not for you to judge but only to keep me lovingly held accountable and I am so much appreciative for the few that have done so and are continuing to do so. I hurt so much to know so many of my aquantainces who've been won over by here-say.  I struggle so much recently with anger toward a few who choose to hate me or ignore me and have never said a word directly to me. Even more so that 100% of these people affiliate themselves with Christ. I suppose to answer the above questions if I haven't done so already, I feel the freedom in Christ that I feel I should, I feel I'm learning and healing, but I am most definitely not without hurt and not without struggle.